A Beautiful Disaster
by Akinriah Tram
Summary: A sacrifice is made for the sake of the world, to a man who couldn't have cared less. When she said, "To have peace, there is a need of a payment," she never would have thought that she would be the sacrifice herself.
1. Renaissance, a step forward

**Chapter One:** **Renaissance, a step towards the future**

_Life is set in a repetitive motion _

_Like the sand in the hour glass seeps past the tiny opening _

_The beginning is the end _

_And the end is the beginning _

_Such is the journey of life. _

_**-BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**_

Standing still on the bow of her balcony, her hands tightly grasping the railing, Cagalli brushed aside the long honey-colored hair that was getting in her way. Her lips curved slightly upwards, producing a grim, yet flawless smile.

_Because I'm the Princess of Orb, I will have to do anything I can for my nation. That is my role in society. _

She shivered slightly at the chilly wind. Tears were filling in her eyes but she fought to keep them from falling.

Just as her body began to turn numb, a soft material was draped over her shoulders. Looking around to see who it was, she found it was Miriallia sporting a worried face. "Princess, you should go inside. We're leaving for PLANT in a few hours—"

"It's Cagalli now, Mir. Our roles don't matter anymore." Cagalli said.

"You will always be my princess no matter what happens." Miriallia replied casually with a small smile, while following her mistress back into her room.

"Miriallia, we've been best friends ever since I was born. You followed me and became my lady-in-waiting when you could've been free. You're like my sister. You shouldn't have to suffer with me. Who knows what they're going to do to us once we get there. I'm not even sure if I'm going to be treated well… even if I am going to be the wife of a coordinator." She sighed.

"I will always be by your side, Princess—" Cagalli shot her a look that caused the young girl to stop. "Cagalli," Miriallia mumbled weakly. She then turned around and waltzed out the door muttering to herself about having to pack on such short notice.

Cagalli shook her head and smiled sadly at the innocent remark of the disappearing girl. "One day, I'm going to make sure you find a person that will truly love you. I want you to marry someone who you will love… unlike me."

A tear escaped her eyes as the earlier scenario replayed in her mind.

"_So… I would be… that tool that will be used to defeat all of your enemies?" Her eyes frowned at the man in front of her._

'_He can't be doing this to me… He won't… I'm simply imagining this… it's all a dream… Because… Father loves me!' __Her mind sounded as though it was trying to convince herself into believing it._

_A hand gripped her shoulders, "Cagalli, you have to understand. If I had a choice, I would never do this, but …Our nation... They need us."_

"_Because of that, you're just going to throw me away? Trade me for the peace of our nation? Trade me away as if I'm a… an__ item__?"_

"…_Cag—"_

"_Never mind, Father. I'll marry that coordinator, whoever he is. I will marry the coordinator that you've always taught me to hate. For your convenience, and for Orb's peace, I will suffer. But… you told me that once everything has settled down, you will attack PLANT. What will be of me then?"_

"_You're going have to escape first. We'll arrange that later. But once everything runs smoothly, PLANT will—"_

"_What happens if I won't be able to escape? What happens if they catch me? What will happen then? What if I end up wanting to stay there? Even then, will you still accept me, Cagalli, the wife of a coordinator as your daughter?" her question made the man in front of her hesitate._

_After a long silence, Uzumi Nara replied with certainty in his voice, "Your marriage is only part of our plan to ensure PLANT's downfall. When you come back, you will still be Cagalli Yula Athha, and you always will be. It was only inevitable that my daughter would hate coordinators like any one of us does."_

_She stared at him, speechless. "So… you would only accept Cagalli Yula Athha, daughter of Uzumi Nara Athha who hates all coordinators, but not the real Cagalli, right? You want your daughter to be Cagalli Yula Athha, rather than Cagalli Hibiki… " she trailed off._

_Silence…_

"_Excuse me, but I'll best be packing now." she finished hastily as she slammed the door behind her._

Cagalli knew that she had always been a pawn of her father's, nothing but a puppet. She had no goals in life and she didn't know what she wanted. Hell, she didn't even know what she liked or disliked. She hated herself for being the Cagalli who knew nothing about her own self.

"Prin —Cagalli, do you want to visit the town for the last time?" Miriallia popped her head in from the doorway, a cheerful smile played upon her lips. "Mana said she'd take care of everything for us."

"I think I will take you up on that offer. After all, it's not like Father lets me out whenever I want to." Cagalli tried to muster a smile but failed miserably.

_**-BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**_

They had arrived at a part of Orb Cagalli was sure she had never seen before.

It was one of the more prosperous and well-known areas but it was also a place she had no right to be in. Although she was daughter of Uzumi Nara, she was born and raised in a place where not many people knew of or lived in. It was a place for people who were deprived of luxury, who fought for the necessities, even though everyone lived in harmony and enjoyed life.

Cagalli knew of the whispers that went on behind her back when she had been announced as Princess of Orb. There were contemptuous glances that were cast upon her, for they thought she was nothing but an orphan child who was lucky enough to be picked up by a man from a noble family. Their thoughts were never voiced, for they feared the consequences, but she knew they would never allow her to forget her real status in Orb.

"Isn't there anything you wanted, Princess?" Miriallia asked as she walked along-side her.

Cagalli knew there wasn't anything she wanted in particular. All she really intended to do was getting some fresh air and see her own nation for the very last time and moved on, pretending as if she had never existed in Orb in the first place. She hadn't planned on making any stops or talking to anyone, but she couldn't help but to help pick up the oranges that fell from an old woman's bag.

"Thank you, Miss…" the old woman smiled respectfully. She was a woman with high spirits, which was different from most elderly women now-a-days. Though she was old, the woman had an air of elegance and grace around her. The creases of wisdom on her forehead showed that she was a woman who had gone through a great deal, and that she had lived a life filled with joy and happiness along with angriness and loneliness.

"I'm Cagalli Yula…" At the sound of her surname, the woman's eyes twinkled. "Meguru Chikaiko at your service, Miss Athha." and she began to bow in respect.

Cagalli flushed at the remark and was slightly taken back at the sincerity in the old woman's voice. When the people ever addressed her, there was no honesty in their voice. "You can just call me Cag—"

"Nonesense!" the woman insisted. "A commoner like myself has no right to be calling someone like Miss Athha by her given name."

She couldn't think of anything to say, and Miriallia sensing that, jumped in for her. "Cagalli thinks that status should not matter. It's only the true genuineness of which one person has for the other is important."

The woman continued to laugh as she nodded. "Yes… You are quite right. But she is _Cagalli Yula Athha_ after all. Either way, thank you for helping me pick up the oranges. An elderly woman like me has been advised not to carry so many things from grocery shopping, but obviously I haven't listened. Now look at the consequences! I think it is time for me to leave these things to my daughter-in-law. But, I can't help but see that her birthday is coming up soon, so I went to pick up a bouquet of flowers and stopped by the market on the way."

"I see…" Cagalli looked at the bouquet filled with a variety of types of flowers.

"Every single flower has its own history and meaning, Miss Atha. You should not look down on them because their language has powerful meanings. Such as a red rose… which symbolizes one's love for another. A primrose is to say that you can't live without that person while a daffodil represents chivalry or unrequited love.

Would you like to have one, Miss Athha?" the woman asked. "You may choose one."

Hesitantly, her hand reached up to accept, but she then pulled back.

"It's okay to take one, Cagalli." Miriallia said.

"I don't know which one to get though…" Cagalli mumbled softly.

The woman smiled and picked out a little stalk with white tiny delicate bells hanging from the stem. "This is one of my favorites. It is called Lily of a Valley. I think it is something that Miss Athha would like.

"This flower means that you will find happiness in your life… _but_… it is also to thank the person for making your life complete. Such a beautiful meaning, isn't it?"

Cagalli smiled softly and nodded. Her hand reached to take the stalk of the flower. It was a beautiful gift… well, to her, anyway.

The woman then looked straight into her eyes. The twinkling suddenly disappeared from her eyes, and then was replaced with sadness. "Please Miss Athha, I know it's impolite to be saying this, but throughout all the years I've been living, I've met many people. Despite how people's words can lie, their eyes will always tell the truth. Miss Athha, your eyes hold so many meanings. I've never seen such eyes that hold so much loneliness and sorrow. You, Miss Athha, are a wonderful woman with many high and great ambitions. You should not be holding so much grief in you."

She fumbled for words, but had nothing to say. In return, Miriallia thanked the woman.  
"Thank you, Mrs. Chikaiko. I know that Cagalli would want to say that, although she is lost for words."

"Not a problem, Miss…"

"I'm Miriallia."

"Miss Miriallia, both you and Miss Atha are wonderful. I hope that you two will one day find true happiness. Like what the flower I gave you meant. I must be going now. Talking to you today has been a great pleasure."

"Thank you. The pleasure is mine," Cagalli replied at the woman who was now walking away.

"It's time to go back, Cagalli." Miriallia looked at the young princess and her eyes widened, "Cagalli, you seem happy…"

"…I am."

Looking up at the deep blue blanket that stretched over the vast sky, Cagalli held the stalk of the delicate white bells close to her heart, lost in her thoughts.

Yes, she wanted to change. She wanted to have a purpose in life and be happy for what she did. She wanted them to acknowledge for who she really was and what she could really do. If only she could change. If only she could a make a difference in this world… for naturals and coordinators to accept each other.

Cagalli suddenly knew what she wanted to do, and she promised herself that she would accomplish it.

The first step was starting with herself… and her future as the wife of a coordinator.

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Miss me anyone?

**+KinRi Tram~**

_First Publication: 09.02.07  
First Revision: 10.16.08  
Second Publication: 09.18.10_


	2. Determined, but meant to be in the end

**Chapter Two**: **Determined, though it was meant to be in the end**

_When God gave you your life_

_He had already planned your future_

_Even if you try to hide or run away_

_The outcome will be only be the same _

_**-A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**_

"_Athrun, not all naturals are evil. They are just like us: fragile and delicate. The only difference is we are much smarter than them. My student, who is also my best friend, is a natural, but when we never judged each other's genetic type. Not all naturals are bad, Athrun. You just need to look deep into their hearts, past everything else."_

_He had been only been eight then, promising his mother that he would always protect her. She smiled in return and leaned down to hug him. Even though they lived in a small countryside where earning a living was hard, Athrun Zala always thought he had the most wonderful family in the entire universe. His home was a place where coordinators and naturals were companions, although there were some who still kept their distance. Because of his mother, Athrun was able to believe to look past all the prejudice and view naturals as his neighbours. He even swore that one day, he would show his kind that it didn't matter whether if they were coordinators or naturals._

_But that all changed when the Valentine War began. Their territory was invaded, and it was said that some naturals had given information to the Earth Alliances. Because of them, she had died and he couldn't protect her. _

_It was something one could never forget._

_Athrun hated his mother for believing that Naturals weren't evil. He hated himself for believing his mother's words and most of all, he hated himself for not being able to save her. Because of the bloody war, his family was torn apart; the image of a perfect family had shattered._

"_Father, why isn't Mother waking up? Why is she still sleeping?" Although he knew the answer, he refused to believe it. He tried to convince himself that it had been nothing but a dream._

_His father wouldn't answer his questions then and his face remained passive._

"_Why is Mother not waking up? I want Mother to wake up! Father, make her wake up! Make Mother wake up!" he had cried desperately as he ran over to her and shook her arms._

"_Stop that, Athrun!" the hoarse voice of his father rang through the air as he froze. Never in his life had his Father yelled at him like that. "She's dead." The words echoed in the heavy air like an oppressive aura and tears were shed._ _From then on, his father was never the same. He had turned from a gentle man into someone who had lost his soul._

_The remaining of the family, which was only him and his father, moved to PLANT, away from the unbearable memory. In December City, his father was elected as a PLANT Supreme Council Chairman. Even though work occupied him, Athrun often caught his father staring at the portrait of his mother in their mansion. Gone was the atmosphere of togetherness and happiness, replaced with brooding and gloominess. _

_Life for Athrun was never the same again._

_Athrun knew that no matter how much he wanted, his mother wouldn't be able to live again. When his father sent him to Copernicus City to study, Athrun decided he wanted to become a solder of ZAFT. His main goal was vengeance for all the damage that was caused by the Naturals._

_The promise of having Naturals and Coordinators coexisting shattered, as if it didn't exist in the first place._

_**-A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**_

A soft, quiet sigh reverberated through the thin air as the midnight-blue-haired man looked up from his work to his watch. To him, every day was the same as the previous day, and today was no exception. Thinking about his daily routine, which consisted of going to work in the morning, having lunch with clients, and then go back to working until past hours, Athrun questioned his life. Was it even worth it?

He was one of the most successful coordinator in PLANT. Only at the age of twenty-one, he was regarded as the most-wanted bachelor of PLANT, an epitome of perfection. Yet no one's life is perfect, and he still carried flaws within him –flaws that people couldn't see. Because of his young age as the chairman of the Supreme Council, Athrun had to prove himself quite often to the other representatives. While he could be gentle, he gave himself the public image of a ruthless politician. However, if one were to interview different people on Athrun Zala, they would find many different answers. Some would say he was a wondrous man who was the future of PLANT. Others will describe him as aloof, even if he had an entire population of girls worshipping the ground he walked on. Lacus Clyne always described him to be a fallen angel, lost in a world of loneliness and despair.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep sigh, an unexpected knock was heard from the door. Athrun opened his eyes and groaned as his secretary Angela Cerora, or was it Angel, walked in, looking very agitated with a faltering smile. It was evident that she had a crush on him, but for him, the feeling wasn't mutual.

"C-Chairman Zala, I noticed that you didn't go out for lunch or for dinner yet. I-I thought we could go out for dinner together." If Athrun wasn't tired of his pestering fangirls, he would've been impressed at the girl for taking the initiative. However, at ten at night, he was tired and didn't want to deal with any one of the opposite sex.

"I—"He was about to flatly refuse her when his friend, Nicol strolled in without noticing the secretary standing at the side. "—Athrun, since you're not getting out of that desk no matter how much we tell you to, Dearka and Yzak forced me to pick you for dinner. I mean you did promise—"

"—That would be great." The emerald-eye coordinator interrupted as he abruptly turned his secretary whom he hadn't learned her name yet.

"I'm sorry Miss. Cerora, but I already promised them."

The woman turned a bright shade of red as she stared down at the ground. "I-It's fine, Chairman Zala," the woman stuttered, "Perhaps another time, and you can call me Angelina." With that, she dashed the office door.

Nicol shook his head with a disapproving frown. It was customary to be polite in rejecting a girl, and Athrun hadn't done his role properly. The fact that Athrun wasn't thrilled to go to for dinner with the other girl was evident, but just as he was about to chastised the other man on it, Athrun grabbed his jacket and stood up.

"Well then, let's go."

Nicol stared blankly at the man.

"If you don't want one to find out your lies, than you better go through with it." Athrun stated.

Nicol stared as if the other man had spouted wings.

"You're never the one to go to dinner with us."

Athrun shrugged, "I did promise to pay for the next dinner."

For some reason, Nicol knew that perhaps, it would be the last dinner between Athrun and his three friends. If there was ever going to be late night get-togethers, it was mandatory for the wife of Athrun Zala to show up.

A Natural within their friend circle could never go well.

_**-A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**_

"Athrun Zala is sooo _gorgeous_," a young girl declared boisterously at the table across from them.

Athrun nearly spat out the champagne that he had taken a sip from the wine cup and coughed. Even though he should be used to it by now, it never failed to startle him. Nor did it failed to amuse his friends.

Dearka, a hyperactive man with a pair of unique amethyst eyes nudged him at the side while Yzak smirked. "They're talking about you." Athrun rolled his eyes and gave his _'Yes, I'm quite aware of that_,' look.

"Shall we go now?" Athrun glared at them as he stared at the bill. He couldn't quite believe they were his friends. If he hadn't stopped them from ordering everything on the list, he knew that by tonight, he would have been literally broke.

Nicol inwardly smile. He knew that Athrun was desperate to leave, for the fear of getting caught by his fangirls was worse than attending a mandatory ball with his associates. While Nicol hoped that his best friend could find true love from another girl, he knew that the feeling harboured by his fan girls ws anything but not. The definition of love was ripped from Athrun's dictionary ever since his former love got married to his best friend. It was cruel how fate planned things, and for some people, their lives could never intertwine as close as they wanted.

A melodic sound blended in with the piano music causing Athrun to turn and look at the talented performer. A violin. How he hated that instrument. It told many stories and carried so many meaning. The other reason was because his mother had been a violinist when she was alive. It simply brought him too many unwanted memories. Suddenly, a peculiar memory flashed through his mind.

_Two carefree children chased after one and another in the golden fields of sunflowers behind the ripen crops. Their laughter of happiness echoed in the air and was carried for miles away by the breezy wind._

"_I told you so! You can't catch me!" A small girl called out as she stopped to catch her breath. Athrun glared at the figure as he ran up to her. "I so can! I was just only letting you win!" The girl giggled as she stuck her tongue out at him. "Accept it! You're just slow!"_

"_Am NOT! I so can catch you!" he retorted with great determination as his anger escalated._

"_Hah! If you do, then I will teach you how to play the violin!"_

_Athrun rolled his eyes, "My mom is a violinist, you know. How about this? If I catch you, you're going to present Beethoven's For Elise. If it's me, I'll present Schubert's Ave Maria. In front of an audience." _

_Her mouth dropped open, "That's not fair! You're pro at the piano while I'm good at the violin. And it's 'Fur Elise!" _

_He gave a cocky smirk, "You're it!" and he ran._

He couldn't remember what happened next or who she was.

'_A childhood friend…?'_ He thought to himself. Athrun never recalled having any friends back when he was younger, except for Kira, whom he met at school.

And it was definitely not _her._

Athrun hated music, even though there was a period in his life where he learned to accept it. S_he_ had told him she liked his piano playing, but even more so,she fell in love with the sound of the his violin playing.

_She_ was the person that brought back life to him and gave him another purpose for living. _She _was the person who he had vowed to protect after his mother. It was love at first sight, but the feeling wasn't mutual, and she left his side.

While everyone saw him as a perfect man who could fulfill his duties with perfect ease, who could accomplish things in one try, and was rich and handsome, all he really wanted was for someone— just one person –to look a little bit harder and see that it was nothing but a deception. He wanted them to see the real him. He had thought _she_ was the one, but he had been wrong.

"—THRUN!" a voice called out, bringing him back to the reality.

"What is it, Dearka?" he turned to face the other man.

"Did you really accept that marriage?" Dearka asked for the umpteenth time with a hint of annoyance. "Are sure you're going to love her like _her_?"

"This agreement is for the sake of peace. There are no feelings attached to it." He answered.

A flash of pink then caught his eyes from outside the window. Infinite emerald met silvery-blue, whom he recognized to be Lacus Clyne: the most well-known and beloved singer on PLANT. She was the woman who had changed his view on many things and taught him how to believe in himself again. She was the one that encouraged him to act his true self rather than staying back in the shadows.

She was the woman that he was supposed to be married to, until that _day, _and ever since then, he had occupied himself with even more work.

Under his father's guidance, he slowly learned his way of survival in the deceptive world.

He wasn't going to be someone who couldn't live without love. He refused to dwell in the past and succumb himself to alcohol in his desperate attempt to forget about her. He would continue down the road of life and work through his way to wipe out the existence of the Naturals; those who had wanted to erase his people.

There were moments when thoughts of her traced themselves subconsciously into his mind, but he wouldn't dwell on them for long. Now was the last time to let go, for he was going to marry Cagalli Yula Athha, the daughter of Uzumi Nara Athha, princess of Orb, and his soon to be wedded wife.

He assumed that his future wife was a woman who was ignorant and naïve – a woman who was spoiled ever since a child, and wouldn't give a damn about her people. He assumed she was like one of his fan girls, an idealistic woman who wanted a suitable, perfect prince charming as a husband, and he knew he fitted that description. That was fine for him, for he would be the perfect husband and gain her trust to obtain information on her people. With that, he would bring the Naturals to their downfall. She wouldn't know that she was going to a pawn for his plans.

Athrun stared back at the girl outside the window and then, he knew what she wanted to say. After all, this woman was the woman that had changed his life; the woman who he loved and cared too much. But ironically, she wasn't the Lacus that he had once known. She had changed and was now—

"I'm sorry…" he saw her mouthed as tears fled down her face.

He blinked and before he could say anything, she was gone.

—_**Lacus Yamato.**_

"LACUS!"

* * *

_**A/N**__:_ My muse for writing disappeared for a while, but I'm slowly regaining my inspiration. Anyways, I intend to upload the original eleven chapters without changing too much of it. From there on, I'll work it out and continue the story. So please answer the survey on my profile: Which story should I focus on for the year 2011.

**+KinRi Tram~**

_Second Publication: 12.01.10_


	3. Words meaning everything, yet nothing

**Chapter Three**: **Words meaning everything, but really nothing at all**

_In the deceptive, ruthless world_

_Between coordinators and Naturals_

_I'd like to remain concealed_

_Like a shadow in a background_

_If no one tries to know, see, or listen to me_

_I'm definitely safer  
_

_**-A BEATUFIUL DISASTER-**_

Over half the population of PLANT gathered at the port and was watching with great anticipation as the shuttle slipped into view. Barely anything was seen through the heaving mass of people, who turned up to see _**that **_woman.

Yes, _that _woman. No one really knew her name and no one seemed to care. They all turned up, anxious to see the appearance of the future wife of the famous Athrun Zala. Jealous fan girls glared down with envy at the _blessed _Natural, who was going to be married to their beloved Athrun Zala.

Cagalli felt her legs weakening as her stomach clenched, thinking of the possible scenarios that could occur as soon as the door open, inviting her to step out. Glancing at Miriallia, the brunette sighed.

_How can you sleep at a time like this, Mir?_

Cagalli hated to admit it, but she envied the girl. How things would be if their roles were switched around.

_If only I could be you._ At that thought, she mentally slapped herself. It was a selfish thought! _She's your best friend—almost like your sister. You can't treat her like that, Cagalli!_ She chided herself, distressed at the fact she had thought about asking Mir to switch places with her.

The door slid open and a soldier wearing a maroon uniform sauntered in with a grim look upon his face.

"Miss Athha, welcome to PLANT. I was told to guide you to your temporary residence. Now if you please." He bowed down to her. After all, she was royalty, but just one stare at him, Cagalli knew that beneath that polite and gracious façade, the coordinator really hated them. Like mirrors reflecting one's soul, his eyes told her that he thought Naturals were feeble and contemptible.

"Mir, wake up," She shook the other girl gently, interrupting the sleeping woman, "We're here."

Miriallia yawned. "Already?"

"Please follow me," the coordinator interrupted them with a look of disgust gracing his features. He gestured for them to follow him.

As Cagalli followed him through the doorway, she could hear murmurs and whispers from the crowd, making her felt uncomfortable. Words blurred together but she was able to catch on with some words—words such as _'Natural', 'weak'_, and '_useless'._

Staring ahead like she had always been taught to ever since she was young, she walked gracefully past them as if she couldn't hear them. Ever since she was little, she was told to ignore remarks thrown at her way.

A true princess will not react with violence to any spiteful remarks thrown her way, especially when she isn't in her home country. She hated it. There were so many things about her life that she wanted to defy. In fact, being a princess was definitely not her call, even if she was fortunate enough to be the stand-in princess.

As they passed by the crowd, a girl muttered darkly, "I wish she would die_."_

Miriallia was about to rebuke when Cagalli grabbed her hand and looked at her. At one glance, Miriallia could tell that Cagalli didn't want any bad reputation to start.

"But—" Mirallia started to protest, but her lady shook her head.

"No, Mir. We're not in Orb anymore. We're in PLANT now, and we are the outsiders. This is their territory. If anything happens, we'll be thrown into jail, and Father would definitely not be happy with that, would he?"

Miriallia could have sworn that she saw a dangerous glare flashed through her best friend's eyes. Life wasn't fair, she thought. Cagalli didn't deserve to be thrown in such a diplomatic and conspired plot like this. Even if she was a princess in Orb, it wasn't she who was supposed to marry Athrun.

Miriallia was against it. For such an independent, undeterred woman, she felt as if her best friend was throwing away her life. However, she knew she shouldn't be surprised, for Cagalli loved her country more than anything. Cagalli also had a debt she needed to pay, and sacrificing her lifelong happiness was only a small part.

She wanted her best friend to obtain happiness, but she knew that with Cagalli's stubborn nature, where she could throw away just anything to attain her goals. Especially now that Cagalli was to be wedded to the man who was supposedly the most influential in PLANT, there was no way Cagalli could attain the happiness Mirallia wanted for her.

Miriallia could only wish that Cagalli wasn't put her life on the line to accomplish whatever mission that King Uzumi entrusted her. In fact, she would pray that Athrun Zala could see past Cagalli's genetics and love her for who she was.

Perhaps, that would be the ultimate ideal situation for peace.

_**-A BEATUFIUL DISASTER-**_

Chaos enveloped the small apartment as young bridesmaid shuffled around, preparing for the upcoming ceremony. The air thickened with tension as soft harsh orders rang through the room while gossips were whispered between the bridesmaids. No one dared to talk to the bride.

Her expression was solemn as she waited for the dreary commencement of the wedding ceremony. She could hear those almost-inaudible whispers passed between the foreign bridesmaids; topics centered mostly on her. Cagalli's fingers itched for something to hold on, but there wasn't anything, except for the fabric of her wedding dress. She was irritated at everything; especially at the white material which blocked her vision, for it symbolized a woman's obedience to her husband.

She gnawed the corner of her mouth and furrowed her eyebrows. For the past two weeks, she had confined in a small house, unable to go anywhere. What made her even more infuriated was the fact that she hadn't even gotten a glimpse of her future husband even though strangers from hell had shown up to either curse at her, talk to her, or were simply assigned to help with the wedding preparations. Although there were a few who welcomed her, Cagalli still felt as if she didn't fit in.

"Cagalli, you haven't eaten anything since last night." Miriallia stated as she sat on the neatly folded bed. Worry was evident on her face, but the bride made no effort to reply.

Miriallia knew that there wasn't anything she could do to make her best friend feel better. When Cagalli proposed her idea on peace to the Orb Council, no one would've expected that she would be the one to actually execute it, and she never expected the rebellious princess, who did things her way would actually consent to it. But then for the past weeks, she was beginning to see changes in her best friend. There were things she wasn't quite used to and it was like meeting a new person.

Looking at the Cagalli now, Miriallia could only see the faint outline of frustration and discontentment. Cagalli's face was masked perfectly in layers of heavy makeup by the supposedly celebrated beautician, Keera Laymeer.

More like notorious, Miriallia thought.

When Keera showed up at the door, she had taken a long look at Cagalli. At first, she just stared, somewhat shocked and horrified. Then, her perfectly arched eyebrows scoffed and her eyes narrowed almost into slits. She then muttered a few discourteous commentaries on the princess. Cagalli had done nothing, except stayed silent. Miriallia wanted to exterminate her.

She knew that the Cagalli wasn't the elegant, refined, and beautiful kind of princess, who will make heads turn while she walks or receive immediate compliments from spectators. She could imitate such actions, but she wasn't born with such refined qualities. While those seemingly graceful movements were ingrained into her ever since a child, the princess lessons couldn't shy away Cagalli's true nature; impulsive, strong willed, and somewhat masculine in personality. Normal princesses lived to wear intricate dresses, but Cagalli wore normal village clothing in the palace.

Her hair was another problem. It stuck out all in different directions and Keera proposed to cut it. Cagalli, being defiant, turned down the offer even though Keera went through myriad methods to try and change her mind. Those methods often involved crude comments which degrade the Natural, but Cagalli never let her got the satisfaction out of mocking her.

Cagalli stood up, amber eyes staring with resolve as she uttered, "It's time for the wedding ceremony."

_**-A BEATUFIUL DISASTER-**_

The day came rather too rapid, almost as if time deliberately skipped through dimensions just to bring the day sooner than planned.

Athrun, dressed in his best outfit, stood at the front of the altar and waited for the appearance of his soon-to-be-wife. He had been avoiding the dreaded meeting for the past week, and when Nicol finally knocked some sense into him with his speech about chances and meetings, it was too late. He would have to marry a stranger, one who wasn't even of his kind. One who belonged to the nation that murdered his mother, but then perhaps, it was better that way.

He couldn't say that he hadn't heard what the others were talking of her. Many commented on her appearance and criticized; said she wasn't pretty and couldn't be matched up to Lacus Clyne. There were few— mostly the ones who wished for peace and held no prejudice— who gave her polite and pleasant comments.

A smirk played upon his lips as a thought flitted across his mind, _'You won't be safe here. Even if you're my wife, I can't assure your safety,_ princess_.'_

When the grand doors opened, silence fell through the cathedral. While the ceremony was done in a cathedral, it did not follow the Christian ritual, for it was a political agreement. Love was not an exchange in the contract between the two nations. A soft melodic tune sung from the piano while the guests held their breath at the sight. There were dozens of guests from Orb and their uniforms stood out from the maroon colored ones of his own.

While she made her way down the aisle to him, Athrun did a double take of her, somewhat stunned at and speechless at her appearance. She walked down the aisle poised and anxious, and he saw that countless times she caught herself from falling over due to her wedding dress. While the dress hugged her, it looked somewhat strange on her, as if she wasn't born to wear dresses. Her face was covered with a thick layer of makeup, which conformed one of his many predictions of her; that she was one of the many who tried really hard in appearances, but ended up failing. What truly confused him were her striking amber eyes. It didn't hold any expression; no sign of misery, nor happiness. It was empty, void of emotions, but he was captivated. It gave her the aura that she was a woman not to be interfered with, a woman who knew the menace of the political world.

He noticed how hard she was gripping her bouquet as she bit her bottom lip while a speech about their agreement and provisions were pronounced. There was a small blessing for the couple, with no sugar coated and flowery words of love and eternity. It was unnecessary after all, for a political marriage had no grounds for love.

Once the vows were read, they signed their names on the legal parchment as the mark of their legal marriage.

"You may now exchange your wedding ring." The priest declared, and Athrun took out the wedding ring and turned to face her. Exchanging his with hers, he made a steady proclamation that was inaudible to anyone except them.

"I can give you anything, anything but love."

For a fraction of a second, her eyes widened in alarm and her mouth parted. He thought she would break down at once at his proclamation, but she just merely stared and then recollected herself. A small solemn, yet sincere smile graced her distasteful features and she uttered, "I understand."

"And in conclusion to the ceremony, the groom must kiss the bride."

_I'll give you anything, anything but love._

_I understand._

He slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her on her forehead.

Their fate was sealed.

_**TBC**_

_**A/N**__:_ Wanted to update this before I leave to study for exams. Thanks for everyone who took the time to review and voted. The poll is continuing until the end of January, so keep the votes coming! Tell your fellow readers and authors to read and vote! Oh and leave me a nice review or a nice message about anything. (: While A Beautiful Disaster is losing on votes, I will continue to post the original eleven chapters. Continuing it will depend on my muses.

**+KinRi Tram~**

_Second Publication: 12.01.10_


	4. Forgive and Forget, an impossible feat

**Chapter Four: Forgive and Forget, an impossible feat**

_How longer can I run?_

_How longer can I hide?_

_From the scars left behind_

_But no matter where I go_

_Where I turn_

_The past will most definitely catch up with the future_

_**-A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**  
_

The foreignness embraced her in its lonely presence. She felt it, like any other time when she had been alone in a foreign, unfamiliar setting surrounded by strangers who could've cared less about her. A long time ago, she would've felt odd and nonexistent, as if she didn't matter, but she had grown accustomed to it. It didn't matter anymore, for her existence would always be unacknowledged. She would always be transparent, invisible to anyone but herself.

Calgalli reflected upon the morning episode, at the assertion made by her husband.

_"I can give you anything, anything but love."_

It had somewhat stunned her when he uttered such a pronouncement. She never expected him to greet her, let alone care for her well-being. To any other person who heard it, that disheartening pronouncement might've seemed heartless and cruel, but it made Cagalli look at him in a different light. Although Coordinators were seemingly ruthless and immoral, her husband took the effort to tell her his intentions.

_"I can give you anything, anything but love."_

From that single sentence, she knew he was willing to reside peacefully with her even if they were predestined adversaries. He would not give her love, but he would respect her wishes, and that was enough to content her. But then her father's voice fleeted through her head.

"_As his wife, you must use your authority to find PLANT's weakness. I want all the information on their military equipment, their plans, covert alliances, and any possible document that threatens the downfall of Orb. That will give Orb a chance to attack. Be safe, my daughter. I will be waiting."_

Cagalli wondered if it was too late to turn back now. She was a pawn for her father, but perhaps, the saviour of Orb. She knew that peace was precarious, especially based on a single marriage. If she was caught committing any suspicious acts, she could be thrown into prison and the peace treaty would be bleached, marking a possibility of another war.

"Why is it so dark in here?" Miriallia frowned upon entering the room. The blinds were shut tight, blocking out most cheerful sun, except for a few rays which managed to escape through the gaps. Cagalli was sitting solemnly at her dresser, resembling those eerie ghosts in the horror movies she and Cagalli used to watch when sneaking out of the palace. Miriallia stumbled over to the window and opened up the blinds. The room was immediately illuminated, brightening up the room. She then turned back to her wedded friend.

The heavy makeup from the morningwas removed entirely from Cagalli, including the ridiculous smudges of colours that weren't worthy of gracing Cagalli's face. Cagalli finally appeared to be the friend Miriallia once knew.

The exchange between the groom and the bride in yesterday's matrimony was witnessed by her.

"_I can give you anything, anything but love."_

"_I understand."_

To say it didn't startle her would be an understatement; Miriallia was devastated – and that was coming from someone who knew the motive behind the marriage and wasn't a participant –yet Cagalli managed to compose herself like of true nobility. Miriallia knew that it wasn't wise to question Cagalli, for the exchange was somewhat confidential. It was an agreement between the bride and the groom, and Miriallia had no right to question it.

However, she knew that one day, her dear Cagalli – her best friend—would be taken away from her. Her gut feelings told her to despise Athrun, even though he had done nothing wrong to her except for unwittingly changing her best friend. Okay, so that wasn't fair. Maybe she should put the blame more on the whole political marriage which turned a carefree, innocent princess into someone enigmatic and detached.

But deep down, her intuition told her that he was the one for her mistress; that only a man like Athrun Zala could match up with her valiant Cagalli. She couldn't explain her reasoning. It was his aura, some void that encompassed him. All Miriallia had to do was observe him during the marriage vows to know that he was an honourable man and was suited for her friend.

"—rialia!" The brown-haired Natural flinched, unwinding herself from her thoughts.

"Yes, Cagalli?"

"You should smile more." To prove her point, the blond-haired woman lifted the corners of her lips and smiled warmly.

Mariallia stared back, flabbergasted. Perhaps she had been wrong in thinking that Cagalli was becoming enigmatic and detached, for the woman in front of her looked untroubled and cheerful.

"Why are you suddenly so blithe?" Her brown eyes constricted as she stared suspiciously her mistress.

Cagalli sighed while blowing the long strands for her bangs away from her face.

"I'm just not going to care anymore." She answered as her eyes rolled upwards in a contemplative manner. "Whatever happens will be in the hands of God."

"How can you say that, Cagalli Yula Athha?" The anger in Miriallia erupted as she glared reproachfully at the said woman. "You sacrificed yourself in order to commence peace, entering a country full of lions ready to tear you apart at any mistake and you don't even care? You told me yourself, Cagalli, that in order to survive here, you've got to plot your way—"

"Calm down, Mir." The voice was soothing and when Miriallia looked up, she saw that Cagalli looked…_old_. Did her best friend always look this weary?

"I desire peace more than anyone else, and to have peace is to enjoy life. What does conspiring have to do with peace? I want Naturals and Coordinators to coexist. As long as I keep watch of myself, no one can hurt me."

The princess' lady-in-waiting rolled her eyes. "They will always be the same. Coordinators are vindictive and vicious." The last two words rolled off her lips, dripping with revulsion.

"I want you to give them a chance Mir. Not all of them are bad. It was war, and if I was in that bloody battlefield, I would've just blindly killed anyone. The guy who killed Tolle could not be blamed."

Miriallia eyes widened, her lips parted slightly. Cagalli words simply alarmed her and she felt anger rush through her like adrenaline. "I can't believe my best friend would say _that_," She snarled, "We both know you wouldn't do that, so stop siding with the enemy."

Through her rage and resentment, she saw grief washed over Cagalli's eyes.

"Peace comes with enjoyment in life. To enjoy life is to forgive and forget." It sounded like a philosophical saying from idealistic monks.

"And what happens if I don't want to forgive and forget?" The question was callous and austere, but Miriallia didn't spare it a second thought. "I'm sorry Cagalli, but if I forgive and forget, it's like I've stopped loving Tolle. If I stop hating them, the memories of Tolle will disappear from me forever. Now if you'll excuse me."

She left the room without looking back.

_**-A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER-**_

The autumn leaves snatched in the turbulence of the wind gently sway away from its target on the ground in the park. The twinkling lights of the sun danced across the pavements. Autumn was soon reaching its end. The crispy, auburn leaves crumbling under the feet of pedestrians marked the end of another journey and the beginning of sorrow and anguish.

Miriallia believed that the world was mocking her. In deepest moments of sorrow, she met amorous couples holding hands, embracing each other, or kissing affectionately. Even the solitary ones seemed lost in his paradise of dream, thoughts, and happiness. Laughs and cries of children and teens vibrated through the air.

She tightened her hands into fists and fought the tears threatening to break free from her control. There was a lump in her throat as her mind chanted a mantra."_I will not cry."_ She had to be strong for herself and for Tolle. He wouldn't want her to be like this. She missed his dorky jokes, his dazzling smiles and affectionate hugs. She missed curling in his arms and watching romantic comedies with him in the late evenings. She missed their frivolous arguments. She missed the past.

"_Peace comes with enjoyment in life. To enjoy life is to forgive and forget."_ Cagalli's philosophical saying entered her mind and she bit her lips, hoping it would force the tears back in.

Images of the past flashed through her mind like a roll of film. Pictures were definitely worth a million words and the last one was the most vivid – a snapshot of an explosion, a mobile detonated, vanishing into thin air. The body could never be recovered.

'_Please stop! Please… go… away.'_ She begged for the images to disappear, but like Death Eaters, which feeds on sorrow, the images grew lucid and clear.

Miriallia fell onto her knees, a hand thrust against the ground. She wanted to disappear or lose her memories. That way, she wouldn't have to suffer the present aftermath.

She muttered to herself, "I have to be strong."

The self assurance was hoarse and she buried her face in her hands, hoping to silence the helpless sobs that were about to break out. The setting of the park disappeared and she was engulfed in darkness. All her senses were numb, except for the whispers that seemed to mock her.

She had to be strong.

She needed to be strong.

But the task seemed impossible, for her heart was shattering on the inside.

"_To enjoy life is to forgive and forget."_

Cagalli was right. She needed to forgive and forget or the hatred would eat her whole, but the malevolent side of her refused to yield to the words.

'_Someone, save me!' _Her heart screamed.

As if a person had heard her plead, a hand grabbed her scrawny shoulders and pulled her out of the dark. A pair of soft, worried amethyst eyes came to her vision.

"Are you okay, Miss?" His deep voice was powerful, yet it had softened around the edges, producing a sophisticated timbre.

Before passing out, Miriallia thought he was an angel sent down from heaven to bring salvation to her world of sorrow and grief.

_**TBC.**_

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Since I haven't had the inspiration to write any chapters or drabbles and I got such a lovely message from an anonymous reader, I decided to update this story. Yes, long meaningful reviews fire up my inspiration to write. Did any of the past _Beautiful Disaster's_ readers notice the changes in this chapter? Of all the revised chapters, this chapter was altered the most.

**+KinRi Tram~**

_Second Publication: 05.08.11_


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